Don’t be surprised, Boim actually has a diary too. It’s all about his teenage adventures. This diary is a bit unique because it’s made of palm leaves. But Boim cherishes it, and before going to bed, he always fills it in. Boim and his diary are inseparable. They go everywhere together. They’re always close, like twins. I mean, Boim’s face even resembles a palm leaf.
Actually, Boim never wanted anyone to read his diary. He’s afraid that his handsome secrets will be exposed. But for all of you who were kind enough to buy this book, Boim will allow it.
Let’s see what’s inside.
Nighttime. Quiet. All that can be heard is the sound of the wind and the moon peeking shyly behind dark clouds. Even the frogs and crickets refuse to sing. Yeah, because Boim wants to read his diary.
Let it be. Let Boim read his diary. Because all this time, he’s always been the scapegoat for his classmates. So…, give him a loyal deodorant at all times…, uh, why did that come out weird? I mean, give him a chance to speak. Freely.
Speak up, Im!
Friends, my name is Boim. The three-durian Playboy. Today, I want to read my diary. Actually, as I’ve explained before, I feel uneasy about it. Because that means my handsome moves will be revealed.
In this diary, besides some parts being censored because they’re not suitable for toddlers to read, it also contains the story of my first day at Merah Putih High School. It’s actually a secret, but because of the demands from fans, especially from the crowded city bus passengers who like to push each other, I finally agreed.
Friends, this diary is a generational diary. It used to belong to my ancestors, which contained stories of teenage love in the old days. Then it was passed down from my ancestors to my grandfather. From my grandfather to my father, from my father to me. And in the future, I will pass it on to my child. Hopefully, my child will be willing to accept this diary from their handsome father.
I opened this diary when I first entered Merah Putih High School. That morning was really bustling. Many people were wearing uniforms. Most of them were confused, trying to find their new classrooms. That’s the rule in this new school. The students are required to find their own classrooms.
At that time, I was also confused, looking for my own class. Standing near me was a sweet girl who seemed just as lost as I was. I then carefully observed her face. Oh, turns out she’s been observing me too. So I took a chance and greeted her, “Hey!”
“Oh, hey to you too!”
“You’re new here, right?”
“Yeah.”
“You’re also confused looking for your class, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Can I help?”
“Yeah, sure. Uh, by the way, who are you?”
“Me? I’m also new here. I’m also looking for my class.”
“Oh, so you’re new too?”
“What’s wrong with that?”
“Oh, nothing. I thought you were a janitor or something…”
Oh, man. So she was looking at me not because she was interested or sympathetic. But because she thought I was a janitor.
Yeah, so that was my first crappy experience stepping foot in this high school. But after that incident, turns out I’m quite popular among my friends, especially the girls.
On my first day in class, everyone was fighting to sit next to me. ‘Cause all the other seats were taken, hehe… And when the lesson started, they would constantly stare at my face. If I ever missed a day of school, they would get all worried. ‘Cause according to them, there wouldn’t be anyone left to gossip about. It sucks, right?
But overall, I’m actually happy in this school. The kids are nice, no one’s sick. That’s why they hate the doctor. Here, I’ve made a lot of friends. Oh, but it’s always them who want to get to know me first. Like, there’s this kid with kinda long hair. Who’s always chewing gum. With shiny round eyes. His name is…
“Hey, new kid!”
Before I could even ask, he already introduced himself. So I had to reply with a sweet smile, “Hey there!”
“Hey, let’s get to know each other. ‘Cause you’re pretty cool!”
“Sure thing!”
“I’m Lupus.”
“I’m Boim. Why are you interested in getting to know me?” I said, feeling a bit flustered.
The kid smiled in a cute way. “Well, ’cause you’re different from the rest!”
“What do you mean, different?” I got curious.
“Your face. It’s like, which part is the nose, which part is the ear. ‘Cause they’re almost the same, hehehe.” The kid giggled. “Oh, don’t get mad, okay? Just pretend I’m not joking. Bo… what was your name again? Bottle, right?”
“It’s Boim.”
“Yeah, Boim. Hey, let’s introduce ourselves to the others, shall we? Look, there’s a kid over there all by himself. Let’s go say hi!”
So Lupus and I approached the kid who was lost in his thoughts.
“Hey, why the long face? Hey, wanna get to know us? Guaranteed halal!” Lupus greeted.
“Yeah, one hundred percent guaranteed,” I added.
The kid didn’t answer right away. He was thinking about the pros and cons.
“Sure!”
The kid furrowed his brows for a moment. “Well, after weighing the options, I’m down to get to know both of you. I’m Anto.”
“I’m Lupus.”
“I’m Boim.”
Anto looked at me with a puzzled expression when I mentioned my name. He said, “Are you in a play or something? Why are you still wearing a mask?”
“Who’s wearing a mask?”
“That!” Anto pointed at my face.
Hahaha… that’s why, Im. If you want to get to know someone, take off your mask first,” Lupus chuckled.
But even though they can be annoying sometimes, the kids in my class are actually pretty fun. Even when they’re hungry, they always seem happy. Maybe hunger is a hereditary suffering passed down from their ancestors. So it’s normal for them. And they always stick together. Cheat together, be ugly together, skip class together. If one fails, well… sorry, but no one wants to join in. According to them, it’s better for just me to fail than for everyone to fail. So it’s hard to know who the smartest kid in my class is. During exams, suddenly everyone becomes a genius. Ten minutes, done.
But the kids are also known for being honest. If during a test you hear the sound of whispered answers, whispers in the corners, or other magical sounds, and the teacher in front starts yelling angrily, “Who’s cheating, come to the front of the class!!!” then without command, all the kids go to the front.
During free periods, the classroom can turn into a cheap and smelly canteen. All kinds of snacks, imported directly from the school canteen. While some of the guys put on a show. Airshows by making paper boats. Floating around the classroom.
This class is also full of sound effects. Any magical sound can be heard by anyone, anytime. Even during Mr. Punk’s physics class, who is usually strict. And it feels like this class has the highest sense of humor. The kids love to joke around, even though if you ask about their ambitions, they all want to be magicians. And when one of the kids starts making a joke, the others shout in unison, “Almost funny…”
“Ah, whatever. The important thing is that there’s still some humor in it,” the teased one replied.
Oh yeah, this class also won in a comedy festival between schools, as the least funny comedy group. But the kids are proud. For them, it’s funny to have an unfunny comedian.
In this diary, there are also stories about my failed attempts at dating some girls. Oh, don’t accuse me of being conceited. No. I got rejected by girls because they were afraid they couldn’t handle being with someone as handsome and friendly as me. They were scared. They said it could break their hearts. They said it’s better to find an average guy, not someone as good-looking as Boim. One of the girls who rejected me was Nyit-nyit. Man, I was so frustrated. Eating tempeh felt like eating a sandwich.
And in this diary, I also wrote about my closeness with Lupus, Gusur, Aji, and Anto. I often stay at Lupus’s house. We’re so close that I’m practically considered… a servant by the Lupus family. And wherever we go, me, Lupus, Gusur, and Anto are always together. Through thick and thin. Lupus says, “Your happiness, Im, is also my happiness. Your suffering is also my happiness.”
Oh, yeah. Here I want to tell you about my experience on the bus yesterday afternoon.
So, like, the other day I was on this packed city bus after school. It was like sardines in there, man. People standing, hanging onto the poles. I had to stand too.
Next to me, there was this cute girl hanging on for dear life. She looked so stressed when the conductor asked her for the fare. One hand was gripping the pole, and the other was clutching her bag. If she let go of the pole, she would fall, but how was she gonna pay her fare?
Being the nice guy that I am, and also because she was cute, it would be a shame not to help her out. So, I offered a solution.
“Hey, how about I hold onto the pole for you, so you can grab the money from your bag?”
Instead of being happy, she gave me this angry look.
Like, what did I do wrong?
Well, guys, I’m kinda bored now, so I’ll close the diary here for now, okay? If you wanna know more about us, just keep reading the next stories…
- From Neighbor with Love
Boim was annoyed. He always woke up later than his rooster. And he had been holding a grudge for a while now. He wanted to wake up earlier and crow loudly to startle the rooster. ‘Cause, you know, the rooster always woke up first and crowed like crazy right under Boim’s window. It always scared the living daylights out of him. Luckily, he didn’t have a heart attack. If he did, he might have kicked the bucket a long time ago.
Maybe it would be better to just chop that rooster up. Make some soup out of it. But Boim felt bad for Lupus. The rooster was a gift from Lupus on Boim’s birthday a few weeks ago. (Don’t bother asking for the exact date of Boim’s birthday. It’s pointless. ‘Cause it’s rarely celebrated. Nothing special about it). And Lupus always asked about his gift, “Is Abdul Choir still alive?”
Yeah, Lupus can be a bit too much. Naming his rooster Abdul Choir. Even though there’s a kid at school named Abdul Choir. Hihihi…
But aside from his rooster, Boim has actually been pretty happy lately. Wanna know why? Well, behind his house, the house that used to be empty, now has new occupants. A new family with a sweet daughter. Boim saw her when he was climbing the guava tree behind his house. His eyes locked onto the sweet girl who was humming softly while watering the flowers. His grip on the tree trunk loosened, and… boom! Boim tumbled onto the grass. But what’s a little pain compared to the new blessing he just got? Imagine, having a cute girl as a neighbor. Who wouldn’t be happy? Boim wouldn’t even dare to dream of it.
Yeah, maybe it’s not that special for you. But for Boim? The three-dollar durian cap playboy? It’s an unparalleled joy. Something that can’t be bought with even the crummiest of money.
So, like, when Boim looked at himself in the mirror in his room, he was faced with a harsh reality. You probably don’t know, right? Well, it turns out that Boim’s handsome hours usually appear around midnight. Outside of those hours, oops, sorry. His face is not so pleasant to look at, even though he once won first place in a contest that was like a duck pen. Hihihi…
It’s tough, you know. Like, how can you impress a girl in the middle of the night like that? That’s why not many people know that Boim is actually good-looking.
Since he got a hot neighbor, Boim rarely goes to Lupus’ house anymore. He rarely flirts with Lupus’ cute little sister. His hobby now is climbing the guava tree in the backyard every afternoon. He’s spying, just in case that girl is watering the flowers again. Until Boim’s dad got suspicious, “What are you doing, Im, always climbing the guava tree? Are the fruits all gone? Are you trying to peep on someone taking a shower?”
Boim just grinned. It’s pointless to argue with a dad who’s no longer young at heart.
But the girl never showed up.
Boim quickly came up with a plan. How can he get to know that girl?
“Dad. Have you met the new neighbor behind our house? Let’s introduce ourselves. Maybe send them some food or something. We should be friendly with our neighbors, right, Dad?”
His dad was a bit reluctant to be called ‘Dad’ by Boim, he frowned and said, “Why should we be the ones to go through all the trouble? They’re the new neighbors, they should come here first! Sending food again! You should be grateful if you can eat three times a day. Go get some water!”
Boim immediately shut up.
But a glimmer of hope appeared. The next afternoon when the house was empty, and Boim was sitting alone on the porch, the girl came carrying a tray covered with a big napkin. Boim couldn’t believe his eyes.
“Excuse me, dude. Is the owner of the house here?”
Boim was stunned. He was just daydreaming about this girl, and suddenly she appeared…
“Excuse me, dude,” the girl repeated softly. “Is the owner of the house here?”
Boim snapped out of it. He quickly grabbed the opportunity, “Uh, um, yeah, give me back my Bali… uh, I mean, I’m the owner of this house.”
The girl giggled.
Boim grinned happily.
“Here’s the deal, dude. I want to send some food to the owner of the house. Along with greetings from our family who just moved here. Where are your parents?”
“Oh, my parents are attending a wedding at the minister’s house…”
“Oh, really? Then just leave it here, okay?” the girl handed the tray to Boim. Then she turned to leave.
“Hey, why the rush? Don’t you wanna hang out and have some coffee?” Boim quickly stopped her.
“Maybe next time. I have to deliver food to our other neighbors,” she replied.
Boim just nodded.
The girl walked out of the yard.
“Oh, what about the tray and the napkin?” Boim asked again.
“Just bring them when you come to play at our house,” the girl replied with a sweet smile.
Play at her house? What a charming offer. Boim jumped with joy. Plak-timplak-timplak-timplung!
But wait, what’s the girl’s name though?
The next afternoon, Boim showed up at the girl’s house. Coincidentally, the girl herself opened the door and gave Boim a sweet smile that made his heart flutter. They chatted about random stuff. Stories about Abdul Choir, guava trees, and whatnot. Turns out, the girl’s name is Mia. And Mia’s mom happened to be the only one at home. Everyone else was out.
Boim got served with sticky rice.
“Do you like dangdut music, Bang Boim?” Mia asked in the middle of the conversation.
“Oh, no, Dik Mia. Bang Boim’s not really into cheap music like that. Jazz is more like it. Or at least bossa nova. You know, the kind of cool music,” Boim replied confidently.
“Maybe Mansyur S?” Mia guessed.
“Yeah, Mansyur S,” Boim answered firmly.
Then they continued chatting, getting more comfortable with each other. It’s no wonder Boim is a playboy. He can instantly win the sympathy of girls. “Hey, Bang Boim, try the sticky rice, will you? I’ll go to the back for a bit, okay?”
“Oh, sure.”
Boim was left alone with the sticky rice on the table. He was tempted to taste it. But, ah, if he doesn’t wash his hands first, it might get sticky. So Boim looked for a sink to wash his hands. There it is. Near the kitchen. Boim headed straight there and washed his hands. Right when Mia’s mom appeared from the kitchen.
“Oh, dear. Why did you stop eating the sticky rice? Are you full already?”
Boim was just stunned. He didn’t dare to touch the sticky rice even a bit when Mia’s mom was there, accompanying their conversation.
Boim was busy trimming his beard on the terrace when Lupus showed up with his racing bike. “Hey, Boim. Gusur is looking for you. He wants to take you for a spin. Hahaha.”
Boim frowned in annoyance.
“Where have you been, Im? Never show up? Are you in hiding, getting ready for marriage?”
Boim just smirked arrogantly. He immediately told Lupus about the neighbor behind his house. Of course, with some added spice. “Everything is going smoothly, Pus. Parents are on board, neighbors approve, it’s just the maid who’s not very sympathetic. That’s why I’m perfectly fine chilling on the guava tree if I just want to flirt with a cool girl.”
Not long after, Mia was seen walking towards Boim’s house from a distance. Boim’s heart started racing. He quickly hid Lupus in his room. “It’s dangerous, Pus. You stay in my room for now, Pus. Hurry!” Boim urged, dragging Lupus.
“What’s going on?” Lupus tried to resist.
“Please, Pus. Just stay in my room for a while. It’s for your own good too. Come on. Come on.” Boim kept dragging Lupus, who was screaming and making a fuss. Then, with force, he put Lupus inside his room and locked it from the outside. Click. Done.
Boim calmly walked outside to meet Mia. He purposely hid Lupus because Boim was afraid that Mia might actually have a crush on Lupus. It happened before.
“Hey, Mia! Just got back from hanging out?” Boim greeted cheerfully as Mia walked into his yard.
“Yeah. Looking for some troublemaker friends, haven’t met anyone yet. Is it bothering you, dude?” Mia replied with a smile.
“Oh, no. Not at all,” Boim said enthusiastically. “Come, have a seat.”
They started chatting away. Meanwhile, Lupus was locked in Boim’s room, causing a ruckus. He was jumping on the bed, messing it up, and the pillows were flying everywhere.
Bored with jumping on the bed, Lupus started rummaging through the cassette tapes, looking for a good song to play. But, of course, Boim’s collection was all dangdut. So Lupus reluctantly chose Boim’s favorite cassette: “Sepiring Berdua,” and turned up the volume.
The loud dangdut music startled Boim, who was engrossed in his conversation with Mia.
“Wait, you like dangdut?” Mia asked, trying to hold back a smile.
“No way! Ugh, who’s into that cheesy stuff?” Boim exclaimed, running inside and banging on the locked bedroom door.
“Pus, Pus. Turn it down!”
Lupus pretended not to hear.
“Lupus! Turn it down!”
Still no response. The music only grew louder.
Boim reluctantly unlocked the door that he had locked from the outside. Just as the creaking door opened, Lupus burst out of the room, laughing and giggling. Boim was shocked and could only stare as Lupus ran to the terrace. Boim had to be the one to turn off the dangdut music.
On the terrace, when Lupus saw Mia, he finally understood why Boim had locked him in the room. But Lupus was self-aware enough. He just smiled, which Mia returned sweetly, and calmly walked towards his racing bike parked in the yard.
Boim, curious about what Lupus did, didn’t have a chance to catch a glimpse of him as he quickly disappeared behind the trees across the street. Boim secretly breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that Lupus was heading home.
“Hey, who was that?” Mia asked when Boim reappeared. “Your friend?”
“That’s Lupus. The journalist from Hai magazine. Ugh, he’s ugly,” Boim replied.
“Lupus? The one from Hai? Wow, I’d love to meet him. Introduce us, please…”
“No way. He’s such a dork. You might catch it too. Just listen to him earlier, blasting dangdut music,” Boim quickly responded.
“Well, I actually like dangdut too…” Mia replied, looking off into the distance where Lupus had disappeared. “He’s pretty cool. Despite his appearance, he still likes dangdut music. The kind of music I like. It’s rare to find guys nowadays who appreciate our own music…”
“In that case, we have the same taste, Mia…” Boim whispered softly.
Boim was touched. That morning, he received a response to his invitation to go watch a movie the previous afternoon. The letter was given to him by Mia’s maid as he was about to leave for school: “Hey, cool Boim… you got it. After checking, turns out Mia doesn’t have any plans later. So we can go watch the movie. Pick her up at half past six. Sweet regards, Mia.”
Boim was crying his heart out. He couldn’t believe what he had just read. So, that afternoon became the longest, most worrisome, and yet most enjoyable day of his life.
As the evening approached, Boim was getting ready to go to Mia’s house. He put on random borrowed clothes from his friends. A shirt from Aji, a jacket from Lupus, shoes from Anto, pants from Gitu, and even Gusur contributed his underwear. He was all set.
But it was all in vain. A few minutes later, Boim returned home with a messed up face.
“All women are liars!” Boim shouted. He started to believe in what the poet Khalil Gibran once said, that girls might be hiding behind their smiles like a veil. How else could it be? Mia clearly promised to go with him this afternoon. But why, when Boim was almost at her house, did he see Mia getting into a guy’s car and leaving him behind?
Boim was frustrated once again.
At the same time, Mia was also pacing back and forth on her house terrace. She had dressed up nicely. Her twin sister, Lia, had just left with her boyfriend in a car. She was going to watch a movie too. But where was my ugly Boim? Why hasn’t he arrived yet? Mia thought. If Boim had come a little earlier, they could have hitched a ride with Lia’s boyfriend to the cinema. But Boim took too long, so Lia left first.
Now, it was already eight o’clock, and Boim still hadn’t shown up.
Quietly, Mia cried in her room. Why couldn’t her love life be as smooth as Lia’s, her twin sister? They both had almost identical faces. Lia easily changed boyfriends, while Mia couldn’t even succeed in getting a loser like Boim.
At four in the morning, Boim still couldn’t close his eyes. His heart was shattered into pieces. Throughout the night, he had prayed for justice from a God he considered unfair. How come playboys never succeed in relationships?
But suddenly, something crossed his mind. He immediately got up from his bed with a burst of energy and headed to the chicken coop. That’s where Abdul Choir was peacefully sleeping. With all his strength, Boim kicked the coop, causing Abdul Choir to scream in surprise.
Boim felt satisfied, his revenge was fulfilled…
